Click here for more information about the pre-marital process at Heritage.
To learn about the views of Heritage Christian Church on sexual purity and cohabitation, click here.
A rehearsal conducted the evening prior to the wedding day can provide a smooth progression through the ceremony. The Pastor and Wedding Coordinator will give guidance in all aspects of the ceremony during the rehearsal. For help with planning a smooth ceremony click here.
For more information please review the Getting Married at Heritage booklet.
Additional forms:
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Why? Because when a couple becomes engaged they are immediately hit with a ton of questions from family and friends, such as:
• Where are you going to live?
• Are you going to start a family right away?
• How many kids are you going to have?
• Which church will you attend?
• When is the wedding date?
• Who is going to be in your wedding?
• Where will you have the wedding?
• Who will officiate at the wedding?
• How will you juggle work life and married life?
• What are your career goals?
• How are you going to handle the holidays when you have two sets of parents and relatives to spend time with?
The issues listed above are just a small sample of the hundreds of questions that come up as soon as you tell people you’re going to “tie the knot.” So, why not talk about those questions before you get engaged? In fact, why not go through a well-thought-out evaluation process, including counseling/coaching, before you tell the world that you’re going to be married?
The traditional model is for a couple to announce their engagement and then find a pastor, priest, or minister to counsel with them prior to the actual wedding ceremony. The problem with this approach is pretty obvious: What happens when significant problems arise during the process of pre-marital counseling? With all the excitement and expectations surrounding your engagement, it is extremely difficult to slow the process down and it is even more difficult to call the whole thing off, if you’re having second thoughts.
I know of one couple who called off their wedding just a couple of weeks before it was scheduled. In this case, the invitations had already been sent out and the plans had already been made. But, with so many problems showing up in their relationship, the couple decided not to get married. It was the right decision at the time but also very painful and embarrassing.
On the other hand, I know of another couple who almost called off their wedding the night before, but felt like they couldn’t do it because they were “too far down the road” and “too many people would be disappointed.” So the ceremony took place as planned and shortly after the couple went through a painful separation and divorce. If only these precious people would have addressed their problems before the engagement took place — much heartache and frustration would have been avoided! When you go public with your engagement and then back out of it, it can be emotionally devastating!
Many individuals go into marriage saying “I do,” but subconsciously, they’re thinking “I’ll redo.” But you and I don’t have the power to change someone else. People won’t change just because you’re nagging, complaining or pressuring — the best time to clarify expectations is before you get engaged!
Years ago, I fell in love with a pretty, young lady named Linda Mears and to my surprise, Linda had similar feelings! Eventually, the subject of marriage came up and we found ourselves struggling with one central question: How is it possible to discern God’s will about marriage when you are in love and have so many emotions stirring within? If God wants to speak to us and guide us in this important decision, how could we be confident in knowing the difference between His leading and our own personal desires?
Linda and I kept praying for God’s guidance but we also scheduled a number of sessions with a gifted counselor (before we got engaged) to make sure that we talked through important issues and weren’t ignoring anything that could sideline us later.
At the same time, we asked three couples and two single people, eight people in all, to pray for us as we went through this discovery process. These prayer partners were mature Christians, who knew us well, and we simply asked them to come alongside of us to discern God’s will in the matter. We said, “tell us, after praying, if you have a green light about this decision, a red light, or a yellow one, which indicates that we could move ahead, but only with caution.”
Weeks later, the counselor said we were a good match and the eight prayer partners all felt good about our relationship, so Linda and I then went to our parents and they were very supportive of our decision. And, that was all the confirmation that we needed to announce our engagement to the world!
The point of the illustration is not to say that you have to get your parents, siblings, or friends to approve of your marriage. My appeal is to go through a process of discovery before you get engaged. Go to a pre-marital class, get some counseling/coaching prior to engagement, and, during this time, ask some mature Christian friends to pray for you and to let you know if any red flags show up in their thinking.
Ultimately, the choice of whom you will marry is up to you. The decision falls squarely on your shoulders. Because we all have blind spots and because falling in love often obscures our ability to reason and to discern God’s leading, I would encourage you, before you get engaged, to go through some counseling!
The point is, it’s better to get your questions answered and your problems worked out you announce your engagement rather than assuming that they will automatically go away sometime later on! It’s better to identify problem areas and solve them, while safely removed from the public spotlight.
It’s better to go through a careful evaluation process before you commit to be married. It brings you clarity and confidence to move forward with the wedding ceremony and increases the likelihood of having great beginning and a lifetime of marital joy.
Bob Buchan
Family Life Pastor
Heritage Christian Church
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