If I decorate my house perfectly with plaid bows, strands of twinkling lights and shiny balls, but do not show love to my family, I’m just another decorator.

If I slave away in the kitchen, baking dozens of Christmas cookies, preparing gourmet meals, and arranging a beautifully adorned table at mealtime, but do not show love to my family, I’m just another cook.

If I work at the soup kitchen, carol in the nursing home, and give all that I have to charity, but do not show love to my family, it profits me nothing.

If I trim the spruce with shimmering angels and crocheted snowflakes, attend a myriad of holiday parties, and sing in the choir’s cantata, but do not focus of Christ, I have missed the point.

Love stops the cooking to hug the child.

Love sets aside the decorating to kiss the husband.

Love is kind, though harried and tired.

Love doesn’t envy another’s home that has coordinated Christmas china and table linens.

Love doesn’t yell at the kids to get out of the way, but thankful they are there to be in the way.

Love doesn’t give only to those who are able to give in return, but rejoices in giving to those who can’t.

Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

Love never fails.

Video games will break, pearl necklaces will be lost, golf clubs will rust…but giving the gift of love will endure.

You can give without loving, but you cannot love without giving.

Study Questions for Single Guys

Week One:

Philippians 4:4-9 (NIV)

Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! ⁵ Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. ⁶ Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. ⁷ And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. ⁸ Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. ⁹ Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.

1. With the current economic downturn and bad news all around us, what is the best way to counteract anxiety or worry?

2. How can we have greater control over our thought life?

3. If you were more thankful, joyful, gentle and peaceful, how would it improve your life and help your relationships?

4. Can you think of a time when you experienced God’s peace even though it was a stressful situation?

Philippians 4:10-13 (NIV)

I rejoice greatly in the Lord that at last you have renewed your concern for me. Indeed, you have been concerned, but you had no opportunity to show it. ¹¹ I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. ¹² I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. ¹³ I can do everything through him who gives me strength.

1. When Paul wrote these words, he was in prison, but he claimed to be content in all circumstances. What is the secret of his contentment?

2. Our society often tells us that you have to have a marriage partner in order to truly be happy and “live the dream.” How can an unmarried man live a satisfied, fulfilling life?

Week Two:

Matthew 28:20 (NIV)
And surely I [Jesus] am with you always, to the very end of the age.

Hebrews 13:5 (NIV)
Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have, because God has said, “Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.”

 Psalm 78:24-28 (NIV)

You guide me with your counsel, and afterward you will take me into glory. 25 Whom have I in heaven but you? And earth has nothing I desire besides you. 26 My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever. 27 Those who are far from you will perish; you destroy all who are unfaithful to you. 28 But as for me, it is good to be near God. I have made the Sovereign Lord my refuge; I will tell of all your deeds.

1. It’s nice to know that the Lord is with us, but the fact is, Christians still get lonely. When loneliness creeps up, what can we do about it?

2.  Describe the faith of the psalmist. How can we have a faith like that?

3.  Is there anything holding you back from making the Lord your greatest desire?

Week Three:

Ephesians 5:3-5 (NIV)
But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity, or of greed, because these are improper for God’s holy people. ⁴ Nor should there be obscenity, foolish talk or coarse joking, which are out of place, but rather thanksgiving. ⁵ For of this you can be sure: No immoral, impure or greedy person—such a man is an idolater—has any inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and of God. 1

1 Thessalonians 4:2-7 (NIV)
For you know what instructions we gave you by the authority of the Lord Jesus. ³ It is God’s will that you should be sanctified: that you should avoid sexual immorality; ⁴ that each of you should learn to control his own body in a way that is holy and honorable, ⁵ not in passionate lust like the heathen, who do not know God; ⁶ and that in this matter no one should wrong his brother or take advantage of him. The Lord will punish men for all such sins, as we have already told you and warned you. ⁷ For God did not call us to be impure, but to live a holy life.

The note from the NIV Study Bible on verse 6 says: Sexual sin harms others besides those who engage in it. In adultery, e.g., the spouse is always wronged. Premarital sex wrongs the future partner by robbing him or her of the virginity that ought to be brought to marriage.

1.  With all the temptations around us, how can men stay sexually pure?

2.  How can someone avoid obscenities, foolish talk and coarse joking?

3.  Knowing that Christ followers have “an inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and God,” how can that truth impact our lives today?

4. The text says that God called us to live a holy life. In today’s world, is that really possible?

Study Questions for Married Men

Week One:

James 1:19-20 (NIV)
My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, 20 for man’s anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires.

James 3:2-10 (NIV)
We all stumble in many ways. If anyone is never at fault in what he says, he is a perfect man, able to keep his whole body in check. 3 When we put bits into the mouths of horses to make them obey us, we can turn the whole animal. 4 Or take ships as an example. Although they are so large and are driven by strong winds, they are steered by a very small rudder wherever the pilot wants to go. 5 Likewise the tongue is a small part of the body, but it makes great boasts. Consider what a great forest is set on fire by a small spark. 6 The tongue also is a fire, a world of evil among the parts of the body. It corrupts the whole person, sets the whole course of his life on fire, and is itself set on fire by hell.

All kinds of animals, birds, reptiles and creatures of the sea are being tamed and have been tamed by man, 8 but no man can tame the tongue. It is a restless evil, full of deadly poison. 9 With the tongue we praise our Lord and Father, and with it we curse men, who have been made in God’s likeness. 10 Out of the same mouth come praise and cursing. My brothers, this should not be.

1.  How can you improve the communication in your home?

2.  When our words are fueled with anger what kinds of results can occur?

3.  How can we be more careful with our words?

4.  Our wives regularly expect us to “open up.” Why is that so hard to do?

Week Two:

Ephesians 5:25-33 (NIV)

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her 26 to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, 27 and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. 28 In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 After all, no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church— 30 for we are members of his body.

“For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.” 32 This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church. 33 However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.

1.  What are some of the strengths in your marriage at the present time?

2.  If your wife showed up at our next meeting, what would she say about how you can improve as a husband?

3.  What can we learn about how to interact with our wives from the example of Christ?

4. The leaving and cleaving principle that is described in verse 31 is a powerful one. It’s basically saying that the relational bond that occurs with our wives is more important than our attachment to anyone else (except Jesus). Is there any attachment to parents, siblings, friends, or co-workers that is threatening or interfering with the bond of love that you have with your wife?

Week Three:

Hebrews 3:13 (NIV)
But encourage one another daily, as long as it is called Today, so that none of you may be hardened by sin’s deceitfulness.

1 Thessalonians 5:11 (NIV)
Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing.

Psalm 95:1-11 (NIV)
Come, let us sing for joy to the Lord; let us shout aloud to the Rock of our salvation. 2 Let us come before him with thanksgiving and extol him with music and song. 3 For the Lord is the great God, the great King above all gods. 4 In his hand are the depths of the earth, and the mountain peaks belong to him. 5 The sea is his, for he made it, and his hands formed the dry land. 6 Come, let us bow down in worship, let us kneel before the Lord our Maker; 7 for he is our God and we are the people of his pasture, the flock under his care.

1. How can you encourage your wife in the following areas…

•· Her relationship with God?

•· Her personal growth and development in pursuing God’s purpose for her life?

•· Her self esteem?

2.  How can you help your home to have a more positive, joyful atmosphere?

3. Consistent with the Heritage theme for this year, how can your home be a place of worship? Let’s take some time right now to worship the Lord!

In chapter two of Second Timothy, Paul mentions three pictures of Christian living and it is important for us to catch his main point, that it is not easy to follow the Lord! We need the dedication of a soldier, the discipline of an athlete and the diligence of a farmer.

1. The soldier pleases his commanding officer

2 Timothy 2:3-4 says, Endure hardship with us like a good soldier of Christ Jesus. No one serving as a soldier gets involved in civilian affairs—he wants to please his commanding officer (NIV).

Paul often uses military illustrations in his letters and, in this passage, he talks about being a good soldier who avoids worldly distractions.

In our case, Jesus is our commanding officer. And, as Christians, we’re all accountable to Him. If he says, go – we go. If he says, stop – we stop. If he says, I’ve got a mission for you to fulfill – we do it, without hesitation and without delay.

Paul says, a good soldier of Christ is willing to endure hardship. In NT times, Roman soldiers weren’t allowed to marry during their terms of service and they were often expected to serve for over 20 years. Just think about it: When you are a soldier, and you’re in a battle, you often go without sleep. It’s dangerous and uncomfortable, especially when you’re under attack and you’re not sure if you can survive.

However, a good soldier doesn’t run at the first sign of trouble and, a good soldier knows who the real enemy is! Paul tells us in Ephesians 6, that we wrestle not against flesh and blood. Our struggle is against the enemy of our faith, namely, the devil himself, who wants to discourage and distract us from following the Lord.

The devil is a master at stirring up conflicts. He makes sure that following the Lord carries with it some struggles. The good news, the Bible says to submit yourself to God, resist the devil, and he will flee from you (James 4:7).

2. The athlete competes according the rules

2 Timothy 2:5 says, Similarly, if anyone competes as an athlete, he does not receive the victor’s crown unless he competes according to the rules (NIV).

Paul the apostle often uses athletic illustrations like wrestling, boxing, running, and exercising in his writings. Of course the top athletes of yesterday and today are known for their discipline—their willingness to give up smoking, drinking, drugs, junk food, or worldly pleasures to achieve the highest level of competence.

Likewise, we as Christians have to be willing to give up anything that gets in the way of our devotion to Christ and the fulfillment of His plan for our lives. Some commentators had spoken of the one hundred meter sprint at the Seoul Olympics as the “greatest race in history.” But Ben Johnson, the Canadian, who took the gold medal with a world-record breaking run, was embarrassed three days later after Olympic officials confirmed that Johnson had tested positive for anabolic steroids – which is a banned substance. He was stripped of his medal and publicly humiliated.

If you’re going to compete, you have to do it according to the rules. Perhaps you remember the story of little league pitcher Danny Almonte that came out in the year 2001. Danny won all four games he pitched, including the pitching of a perfect game. Danny struck out 62 of the 72 batters he faced. It was total dominance. The problem is, that they found out that Danny was 14 years old, which was 2 years over the limit. So the victories were taken away.

Paul says, to compete as an athlete, you must do it according to the rules. How does that relate to us? I played basketball and baseball in high school and in college, and I did pretty well, but I was never given the opportunity to determine the rules for the contest. The rules of the sport were already in place before the game began and every one of the contestants, including me, had to compete according to those rules or else we would be penalized or even disqualified.

As a soldier, our Lord Jesus is our commanding officer. As an athlete, the rules of the game are already laid out for us in the Bible.

•· Things like waiting until your married to live together and have sex.

•· Things like loving your enemies and praying for those who persecute you.

•· Things like do not steal, kill, covet or commit adultery.

•· Or, what about the challenge to give to God a tithe, or ten percent of your income, out of love for Jesus?

•· Or, what about the statement to forgive others, even as Christ has forgiven you?

Paul is saying to Timothy, in spite of what is going on in the surrounding culture, regardless of whether it’s cool or popular, you have to obey the rules. You have to obey the word of God even if it comes into conflict with the words of men.

The goal is to please the coach, the Lord Jesus Christ. When I was in college, playing ball for Otterbein College, as a sophomore, I was the sixth man in the rotation and I was convinced that I deserved to start and play a lot more than I did. It was very disappointing and frankly, I did my share of complaining. Until one day, it’s like the Lord reminded me that He was using my coach and my circumstances to teach me some lessons about His sovereignty.

It’s like God said, “Bob, you’ve given me your life, right? Then why not trust that your fate and your future is in MY HANDS and not in the hands of your coach or anyone else?”

The challenge was to use the disappointment to draw near to God. My new goal was to work hard in practice every single day, but to do it for my real Coach, the Lord Jesus Christ. I decided to focus my attention on pleasing Him, with the confidence that He would be faithful in the end to work out His plan for my life.

•3. The farmer works hard for the harvest

2 Timothy 2:6-7 says, The hardworking farmer should be the first to receive a share of the crops. Reflect on what I am saying, for the Lord will give you insight into all this (NIV).

How many of you know that farmers have to keep working, because fields, left alone, will only get worse? The farmer cultivates the soil, plants the seeds and then waits patiently for the crops to come in. Even with the modern equipment that we have today, by all accounts, it’s not easy to be a farmer. But the good news is, when the work is done and the conditions are right, the farmer can look forward to a harvest.

Once again, Paul is reminding us that it’s not easy to follow the Lord. It takes hard work, patience and diligent perseverance. But, when the seeds of the gospel of Jesus are planted in fertile, human hearts, they will produce a harvest of righteousness, peace, and joy that cannot be found anywhere else.

When Paul writes these words, he’s at the end of his life. He’s suffering for the sake of Jesus. He’s longing to see his friends, Timothy and Mark. He’s feeling abandoned and wronged by certain individuals. Paul was a living example of hardship for Jesus’ sake. No wonder he speaks of the dedication of the soldier, the discipline of the athlete and the diligence of the farmer. The moral of the story is: It’s not easy to follow the Lord!